Fed Up in Illinois

Dear Ellen:

For the past three years I’ve been dating “R”. Since we began dating, I have yet to meet his family or friends. His excuse is that he is not “out of the closet”. I’m fed up with his secretive mannerism and for shutting me out of his life. It’s not like I’m a feminine guy. I’m not planning on being all over him when I do meet his friends and family. I’m mad because I’ve introduced him to several of my family members and friends, and he has yet to do the same. I even invite him to hangout with my friends, but he always declines or comes up with some excuse. We recently broke up…he wants to get back together, but I’m not sure if I want to continue this relationship. Please help!

---Fed Up in Illinois

Dear Fed Up:

Do you really want to spend your time pining away for the unavailable object of your desire? He apparetnly values the opinions of his friends and family more than his own internal, independent voice of love and reason.

On the other hand, patience is a virtue, and coming out can be difficult for many individuals. If he thinks his friends and family would disapprove of his current lifestyle, he may very well feel like his entire support system is threatened by your relationship. And---that may be too much for him.

If you want this to work for the long term, then you need to give him the space he needs to get comfortable with the idea of being out. Learning how to stand up for himself and be comfortable with his decisions is something only he can do. If he can’t communicate, compromise and interact with you, then you have your answer. Good luck!