I was invited to a luncheon with some friends one brought her 12 year old daughter (12 year old) sat to my left.
January 30, 2007
Dear Ellen:
I was invited to a luncheon with some friends one brought her 12 year old daughter (12 year old) sat to my left. Appetizers came she ate hers she pushed plate over to my side while I was still eating mine, main course came same thing she pushed her plate over to my side while I was still eating. What was I to say or do?
L.N.
Richwood, Texas
Answer: R-E-S-P-E-C-T; Aretha Franklin can still be heard singing for it; Rodney Dangerfield never got it. Manners and respect are inseparable. Children can never learn respect for themselves, unless they learn respect for others---and that begins with adults. Good manners are also linked with kindness and good human relations. Inadequate parenting, graphic movies and television shows---under these circumstances, it's no wonder that manners illiteracy and lack of respect for others is rampant throughout the country.
Any suspicion that good table manners are facing extinction can be easily confirmed with a peek into most school cafeterias during lunchtime. The fast-paced drive through eating habits of many families can leave children hungry for mealtime etiquette.
Here are some suggestions for teaching good table manners to children:
• Work on one skill at a time
• Give immediate positive feedback for good performance
• Give a non-critical prompt, when children forget (or don't know) social rituals
• Be tolerant of mistakes, but don't overlook them
• Set a good example
In your situation at the luncheon, I presume that you were expecting the 12 year-old's mother to speak up and correct her. Since that didn't happen with the appetizer course, it would have been proper for you to correct the child when she pushed her plate to your side the second time. A simple statement from you to her that she should wait for the server to remove the plate---and---moving her plate back in front of her---would have been excellent! Her mother may have been embarrassed, or even put off by your action, but the child would have learned a valuable lesson!
