Dear Ellen: I started dating my boyfriend at the age of 21, I am now 27. We have dated for five years.

Dear Ellen:

I started dating my boyfriend at the age of 21, I am now 27. We have dated for five years. The first three were fine, but for the past two years we have been off and on. The reason he says that our relationship has been off and on is because I don’t move in with him.

He is 25-years old and hasn’t had a real job for the past five years. He lives at home and his parents support him. He recently started working two weeks ago at a pizza place, but he is known not to keep a job for a long time.

During the five years we’ve been together he has asked me several times to move in with him. But I haven’t since up until two weeks ago he didn’t have a means to support me. I didn’t think it was right for his parents to have to support me even though I know they wouldn’t mind.

My question to you is: Is it wrong that I want to stay at my house until he proves to me that he is able to keep a job and support me? I work also, but I don’t want to be supporting him all the time. I want us to support each other.

---Hold the Anchovies in San Benito

Dear Hold’em:

By the mere fact that you have written in for advice, speaks volumes. You already know the answer to your question. But, just so you can hear it from me:

It is not wrong to stay at your house. And you are absolutely right that he should prove to you that he can keep a job and offer a responsible share of financial support to the relationship.

Why would you saddle yourself with this loser? When he quits or gets fired from his job at the “pizza place” what are you going to do? Leave lunch/beer money for him on the dresser each morning? Are you, or his parents, going to pay him for doing chores around the house? Are you going to work while he goes to school in hope of getting a better job?

This guy really doesn’t honor who you are and he doesn’t think too highly of himself. He needs to get his act together and have a salary and some kind of career, rather than working for minimum wage and tips.

Sometimes guys like this will get it together. And, when they do, they are so proud of themselves that they generally move on to someone else in another relationship. After all, what girl of any real quality would put up with all the stuff he had been dishing out before?

The only job you need to worry about right now is the job of finding yourself someone who would never be that comfortable living off you or his family. Life is hard enough as it is without having to share it with someone who is difficult to live with or would take advantage of you.

Have a relationship or social situation matter that has you baffled?

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