Tu Salud! Mirror, mirror

This week Dr. Carmen Rocco, Brownsville pediatrician, shares with us her thoughts on healthy parenting:
“Jackie Kennedy 0nassis wisely said that, ‘If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.’” What an amazing responsibility we are given when we choose to be parents.
It is an honor to be in a profession that has given me the opportunity to share in these parental journeys. And journeys they are! Over the 26 “short” years that I have been a pediatrician, I have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly of what does and doesn’t work as a parent. I am grateful for the opportunity to share these reflections with you.
Parenting is not a part-time profession. We have to be committed to the task at hand. It is a gift that does not allow you to “check out.” It is a HUGE commitment. Another former First Lady and mother, Hillary Rodham Clinton, describes the relationships that are involved in raising a happy and healthy child. In her book, “It Takes a Village,” she reminds us that a Village is not “just about geographical villages any longer, rather the network of relationships and values that do connect us and binds us together”.
Many times, we have to go find a village or a “water hole” where we can go and re-energize so that we can return with renewed patience, commitment and passion. These “water holes” can be a friend or a family member. A “water hole” doesn’t separate you from your child, not at all. It can give you a new perspective and a new energy with which to love and commit to your relationship with your child/children. Know when you need to find that energy source, that “water hole” because your child/children need you healthy and whole. They should not be burdened with your inability to parent or your lack of time for them. What you do for your child today will have ripples into eternity.
Your child creates an image of who she is from your image of who you see. Make your image of your child the very best image you can reflect. I often tell parents, your child is a mirror of what you see. Let him see a mirror that reflects a positive image. They truly will be what you see in that mirror.
You are your child’s first introduction into this world. His image of this world is shaped by your views and your values. Increasingly, studies show that children will become happy and healthy adults when the approval and love they receive in early childhood is unconditional. That is, love that is NOT connected to what the child does or when the child does it — love that is independent of outcome. Praise should not always be connected to behavior or achievement. Indeed, children need to have guidance and boundaries and those guidelines need to be consistent and clear. But children also need messages that have nothing to do with performance. We know that if the relationship between the parent and the child is strictly based on reward and punishment, than your child’s identity and self- worth will be blurred by conditions. There should be no ration on praise and affirmations. There needs to be consistency at all levels. Consistency in guiding the child through the forest of social rules  — consistency of approval and consistency of love.
You are your child’s first and most important teacher. Don’t underestimate the value of how much you can do at home. The most recent evidence indicates that the type of play that your child performs at home and at school will have a permanent impact on their developing brain. It is no wonder that the American Academy of Pediatrics has advised NO television or other inanimate machine exposures in the first two years of life. In a fascinating experiment ongoing in this country, Tools of the Mind, prekindergarten children are involved in complex, extended make believe scenarios…. and the results are incredible. Children involved in Tools of the Mind show up at prekindergarten and spend hour after hour dressing up in firefighter hats and wedding gowns, cooking make-believe hamburgers and pouring nonexistent tea. They work hard in serious work of play pretend. As a result, critical cognitive skills developed much better than the children that were in prekindergarten with traditional teaching techniques pushing them to sit still. The excitement of this research is that it is easy to do in every one of our homes and it calls for creative and supervised time with our children. Children develop their creativity as well as focus, confidence and other key cognitive skills through play.
Choosing to be a parent is challenging. Dr. Spock made the first attempt at guiding parents over sixty five years ago in his landmark book, “Baby and Child Care.” Since then, we have sought advice to make sure that our job as parents is well done. We have read with optimism and hope that amazing poem, Children Learn What They Live, written in 1954 by a quiet and understated reporter from California, Dorothy Nolte. The fact is that the simplicity of that poem is ever true today. It continues to emphasize that parenting today should still be based on simple and time-tested principals:
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
But do not despair, the poem seems to say. It continues:
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
So take your job seriously as a parent — it is the most important one you will have. With intention, attention and love to grow healthy, productive children because, Tu Salud ¡Si Cuenta! (Your Health Matters!)”