I have suffered from PTSD for the majority of my life.
I was 19 when I began noticing I was sad all the time and I did not like being around people. There was no VA reaching out to offer help.
I was discharged from the Marine Corps in 1969. I could not understand what was wrong with me. It was not until 1981 I filed a claim for service connection for my knees. I needed the letter for extra points to get a job with the USPS. I got the letter and I still did not get the job.
I spend too much time on the Internet. However, I have had the luck of communicating with young Veterans wanting to commit suicide. I have helped two not commit the deed. One of the veterans and his friend actually made a pact to kill themselves upon returning from Afghanistan.
One killed himself and the other was going to follow. The mother of the live one contacted me and we spoke and all I could do was to send her the book I wrote and I suggested she not give it to her son but read it and use some of the information of my life without telling him she was reading it from a book.
It has been several years and I would hear from her occasionally. He is alive and well and not long ago I sent out messages asking people to buy my book. I had not heard one word from him.
Well his first and only reply to me was a thumbs up. I felt so great for him and I decided that I had not wasted my time. There might be more or he could be the only one, but he is alive.
For all of the people I have offended, I want to apologize to you now.
My mood swings are horrible and hard. To my wife and children who have stuck it out with me God bless you. Above all, my wife lives my PTSD with me. I love her very much.
I will stop reaching out to my fellow veterans when God calls me to go home and rest. I love the United States of America. Knowing what I know I would go fight for her again.
My right ear does not work and my left one not real well. If you ever call my name and I seem to ignore you, I simply cannot hear you.
Fred Rendon Jr.